An Irish woman was admitted to hospital after having phone sex. Doctors managed to remove two Nokias, three Motorolas and a Samsung. No siemen was found.

Jeff, Sunshine Coast, Qld

 

What's the difference between a redhead and a brick? A brick gets laid.

Adam, Port Adelaide, SA

 

'Last week's top jokes', Zoo Weekly, (You Funny Bastards!), Jan29th07, pp. 29.

QUITTER

Warney's team-mates are perplexed one morning to see Shane bowling a few overs with women's panties wrapped around his arm. Finally, Ricky Ponting whispersm "Er, mate, we've come to expect some unusual things rom you, but we're worried this time. Do you know you're wearing women's panties around your arm?"

"Oh yeah," says Shane, "It's a patch. Im trying to quit."

Huntley, Gympie QLD

 

HOT TOPIC

A man jumps off the couch and says to his wife: "Put your coat on, I'm off to the pub." His wife says, "Lovely - are you taking me out for a drink?" "No," he says, "I'm turning the heating off."

Antsy, Duntroon, ACT

 

EXPERIMENTAL

Two blokes are lying in bed next to each other when one turns to the other and says: "You know Bob, I don't think much of this wife-swapping."

Greg, Mosman, NSW

 

TRY IT ON

A traffic cop stops a woman for speeding. He leans in her window and asks to see her diriving license. "Lady, it says here you should be wearing glasses," he says. "I have contacts," the woman replies. "Lady I don't care who you know," the cop says. "You're still getting a ticket."

Dexter44, Fremantle, WA

 

'Feeding Time', Zoo Weekly, (Feeding Time), Jan29th07, pp. 26-7.